Sunday, September 24, 2006

Halogen headlights should be illegal...

I smell class action. Seriously - they are distracting and dangerous! More on this later...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Born to spade...

It's Law Review season again, as The Namby Pamby recently reminded me...

Friday, September 15, 2006

Don't Ever Do This...

We all know not to put tin foil in a microwave. It is apparently also a bad idea to put a fake, uh, male organ into a microwave. Consider this a public service announcement: we here at Gump's Law are always looking out for your best interests.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Poor Al Franken

Some stories out today indicate that Air America (progressive radio, A.K.A. strident Bush bashers) is soon to file for bankruptcy and that Al Franken, perhaps its best known personality, has not been paid in a while. While I always knew that liberalism was intellectually bankrupt, I did not know that it was monetarily as well.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Brief Thought on 9/11

On 9/11/01 I was in a philosophy class and we did not find out that the twin towers had been hit until after they had fallen. I was shocked just like all of you when I finally found out. I heard a brief replay on the radio of a live radio broadcast from that terrible day and I began feeling sad for the innocent victims and their families and boiling mad at the terrorists who did it. I don't know what hell is like, but I hope the terrorists are in a special section of it. To any of you who knew someone who died that day, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Holy Suri Sh*%

We all know Tom Cruise is crazy. The only question is how crazy is he? Partial answer: crazy enough to have an artist create a sculpture based on his child's first poop! Thank God the baby wasn't a boy. Foreskin sculpting would have been even more disturbing.

"Steve, from all God's creatures, thank you. Rest in peace."


Today is a sad day indeed, as animal lovers, conservationists, and adventure-seekers alike all mourn the untimely passing of Steve Irwin. I am particularly sad today, as I considered the croc hunter a bit of a hero and something of a role model.

He was, if nothing else, a non sequitur. Steve was from a remote region of Australia, and was obviously a bit rough around the edges—if he had hailed from Alabama, I'm certain he would have fit more comfortably into the NASCAR set than the country club set. And despite his immense popularity here in the states, I know he was not always similarly loved by his countrymen. Without fail, every Aussie I have asked about Steve Irwin explained through a pained grimace—the same one Americans wear when discussing David Hasselhoff with excited German tourists—that he was not a good representative of Australia.

So it really is a bit surprising, if you think about it, that an Aussie "redneck" would become the international spokesman for the conservation movement.

I first became enamored with Steve Irwin when I was in college. We all loved his adventure-seeking, laugh-in-the-face-of-danger approach to life. But I soon saw that there was a rhyme to his seemingly-unreasonable antics. By doing these outrageous things with crocodiles, he was able to get the whole world (including beer-swilling fraternity boys in Alabama) to take notice of his true passion—protecting God's wondrous creation from destruction. If this guy is not afraid to talk about what he really cares about (or even to have a good cry over the death of a furry little animan), then I shouldn't be either. Whether that thing you care about is the environment, your faith in The Lord, atrocities in Darfour, or anything else, you shouldn't be afraid to talk about it (and talk about it with passion!) just because it doesn't fit with your background, or with what the world might expect of you.

In this respect, we can all learn a lot from the croc hunter's legacy. God bless you, Steve Irwin.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

An Ethical Dilemma

I hate Tennessee. I think it is a combination of their obnoxious fans (I know that is redundant; by definition, Tennessee fans are obnoxious), Rocky Top (they play it 400 times during the pre-game alone), Phil Fulmer (skunk who believes that if you can't beat them then tattle; if you don't believe that there are some recruiting violations going on at Tennessee just like those at Alabama, you are naive and probably an obnoxious Tennessee fan), and the color orange (nobody in the world looks good in that color).

That being said, I find myself cheering for them this evening. They are playing Cal, who I also happen to hate. I think they are perennially overrated and that the PAC-10, with the exception of USC, can't hold a candle to the SEC (it is not hard to go undefeated when you don't play a real opponent until the bowl game in January). My hatred for the PAC-10 appears to outrank my hatred for Tennessee. I feel pretty dirty right now. I am quietly rooting for my least favorite team just so I don't have to hear the ridiculous commentators discuss how a loss by Tennessee proves that the SEC is having a down year and is not as good as the PAC-10. So I am stuck with the ethical dilemma that I want both teams to lose but find myself rooting for Tennessee nonetheless. I think I am going to hope that Tennessee blows out Cal and then proceeds to lose every SEC game this year. That would prove that Tennessee sucks, Cal sucks worse, and the PAC-10 as a conference sucks. I may have to take a bath after every quarter and spend all day tomorrow in church repenting, but just for tonight I am saying Go Tennes... Go Ten... Never mind. Lose, Cal, lose!!!

Only at Georgia Tech

My award for the best College Game Day sign of the week goes to the following: "Calvin: Defeating Catholics since 1509." For those of you who don't know, Georgia Tech's best wide receiver is named Calvin Johnson and Georgia Tech plays Notre Dame today (shame on you if you don't know about the game). John Calvin, the father of "Calvinism," was a 16th century protestant theologian. I am not sure any other team in the country has fans smart enough to connect 16th century theology to modern day football.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Insane in the membrane? Subtitle: Dorky evidentiary musings...

This is interesting. Mildly disturbing, but interesting nontheless. It seems that a lawyer fatally stabbed his neighbor to death after hearing that the neighbor had molested the lawyer's two year old daughter.

I appears from the issued statements that this guy will claim [temporary?] insanity when [if?] he is charged with murder. Here's what I am wondering: At trial can the prosecutors cast aspersions at this guy because he is a lawyer, and he [presumably] knows precisely what it would take to establish an insanity defense--can they suggest that he conformed his actions to those that would "fit" an insanity defense?

If not, can they at least mock him for relying on a hearsay statement in making his decison to slice?


Cheers to The Namby Pamby for this story...